I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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