direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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