I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
