evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
