feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
