After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
