at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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