Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
