Porn is love you can see.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize