i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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