yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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