holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
