eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize