A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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