You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
