Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
