I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We just shotgunned beers for America
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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