i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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