Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
