Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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