this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
