Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
