He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
