It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
