if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize