We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
