We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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