I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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