I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
