So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
