watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
