Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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