I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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