We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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