When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize