my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
