I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
