I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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