Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
