Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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