how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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