why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Boobs speak an international language.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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