: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize