Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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