...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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