It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
