maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize