Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
