No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
