doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
