Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
