He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
