Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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