I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
