my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize