im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
