I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
