Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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