my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
