everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize