yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
