the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
