We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
