Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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