This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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