So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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