$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
